


Не дла меня (Not For Me)

by TheFilia, transpeterparker (partlycharlie)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Child Soldiers, Gen, How Do I Tag, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Non-Graphic Violence, Songfic, Training
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 09:02:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18279980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFilia/pseuds/TheFilia, https://archiveofourown.org/users/partlycharlie/pseuds/transpeterparker
Summary: Not for them was springNot for them were birds' songsNot for them were feelingsNot for them were familiesFor them was just bulletOr was it?Fanfic was written to russian song "Не дла меня" [Not for me]. I just had to ¯\_(ツ)_/¯





	Не дла меня (Not For Me)

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first work in English, please don't be too hard on me. It's not my native language ;-;
> 
> Checked by wonderful partlycharlie. It's only reason why you can read it without bleeding eyes

_Не дла меня придёт весна / Not for me spring will come_

Girls knew that outside, that spring, wasn't for them. They knew that for them, all they would know was the cold of concrete walls and corridors with dim lights that never went out.

 

_Не дла меня Дон разольётса/Not for me the river Don will spill_

Girls knew their daily routine better than themselves. Wake up at 5, wait for the guard to uncuff them, get dressed. Check their name for the day - their names were different by the day. Different letters, different languages - but if they slipped up, they knew they would be punished. Then - fighting, eating, ballet, fighting, languages. That was the only part of the day during which they were allowed to speak - but never to each other. After that was dinner, and waiting for the guard to cuff them to their beds again, and a dreamless night.

 

_Там серсэ девиче забъется, с восторгом чувств не для меня/The heart of a girl beats in delight of her feelings, not for me_

Girls were not allowed to feel. They learned how to fake emotions, how to make them seem genuine, but they could never feel the emotions they were trying to express. Feeling meant more training, more fighting, until they fell, unable to move - and then more, because showing weakness was as bad as feeling.

 

_Не для меня цветут сады, в долине роща расцветает/Not for me orchards will be flowering, in the valley grove flowers will be blooming_

Girls were taught to be as cold as the Siberian winter, and just as deadly - but not all of them managed. Some broke under the pressure and were deemed unfit for further training. Nobody really knew what happened to them, but they never asked. They didn't care about each other.

 

_Там соловей весну встречает/There, the nightingale awaits spring_

Girls learned how to survive the cruelty of the Russian winter when they were left without food or shelter in the freezing tundra. They were told that whoever tried to leave the area would be shot on sight. Two of them cowered, choosing it as an easy death. Others, though, fought to survive until spring. It was the first and last time their names weren't changed.

 

_Он будет петь не для меня/It will be singing not for me_

Girls have never heard birds singing. The six that survived were taken back early. After that winter, training continued and names were changed regularly again. Now, though - now they had backstories, and came from countries other than the one they lived in. None of the girls ever slipped up.

 

_Не для меня придёт Пасха, за стол родня вся соберётся/Not for me will Easter come, at the table family will gather_

Girls knew that God didn't exist, but they were taught religions and holidays and prayers so they would be able to pretend. Days became more and more about pretending - about putting on a smile with a name and a story from a country. Eventually, they forgot themselves completely, no longer able to tell what was just an act and what was real.

 

_"_ _Христос воскрёс" из уст польётся, пасхальный день не для меня/"Christ's risen" will be flown from lips, Easter day is not for me_

Girls found out what happened to those who broke on the Christian holiday of rebirth. When the guards handed them guns they knew so well and people whose faces they barely remembered anymore - when they were told to pull the trigger, they didn't hesitate.

 

_Вино по рюмочкам польётся, такая жизнь не для меня/Wine will fill glasses, this life is not for me_

Girls started to get assignments. They were driven out of the country, where they pretended to be someone, and killed whoever they were told to. Only one of them failed. Redhead was sent to take her out.

 

_А_ _для меня кусок свинца/But for me is a piece of lead_

Redhead was one of the best - but so were the other five. And Blackhair didn't want to die. It was the hardest fight Redhead had ever faced, but she didn't fail. She never did.

 

_Он в тело белое вопьётся/It, in white body, will bury itself_

\- or so she thought. Until an arrow went straight through her body, covering her suit in red, forcing her to hide, unable to properly fight against opponent. But his eyes were so careful, so... calm, when he found her with hands covered in blood and a breath that was coming too fast.

 

_И слёзы горькие прольются/And bitter tears will flow_

Red Room had taught Redhead not to cry. That day - and only that day - she broke, in the arms of a man she didn't know, who held her and dressed her wounds. A sniper, who was supposed to kill her but made a different call.

 

_такая жизнь, брат, ждёт меня/_ _This life, brother, is for me_

He showed her a new life. One similar to her old one, but without the cuffs. With a name she chose - with jobs she could refuse - where emotions and relationships weren't punishable by death. He showed her that even killers could have families.  
He included her in his own. When his wife asked for her name, she finally had an answer.

Natasha Romanoff.


End file.
